Painful Symphony 4: Boundaries

[eatthepen]

Originally written for Cohost for the prompt 'Mech Pilot who screams thusly into the night: ”Hate me! Curse me! Abandon me!”'

Boundaries

"Fonie! Fonie?" Humid wind thrashing the trees outside the security fencing ate Elra's shouts. The night felt pregnant with violence, blanketed by smudgy cloud. The wind plucked at her shirt, and for a moment she considered going back for a jacket, but Fonie was out here somewhere.



Floodlights carved the perimeter into stripes of night and white, placed to dazzle and confuse in case any of the jungle's larger creatures got curious. Here at the side of the building, the ground was thin, straggly grass in packed-down earth that desperately needed whatever rain the storm would bring. The noise of the branches and leaves buffeted Elra, pressing in on her head from all around.

It matched the turmoil in her chest, the jangling of her nerves, the lingering sense of Fonie's hands on her skin. The pain and confusion in her wingmate's black-irised eyes as she'd pushed her away. The memory of Vigong's embarrassed scowl, Fdet's discomfort obvious in their posture. The frozen tableau in the dorm common room as realization hit about exactly which of her boundaries Fonie had wanted to cross.

Easier to walk and search than think about any of that. Fonie hadn't grabbed any extra clothes as she'd fled out of the dorm, Elra's first priority had to be getting her back to shelter before she took any harm from the exposure. At least Fonie's complexion was so pale she'd stand out anywhere she caught any light at all.

Elra set out, the ground rough through her slippers, prodding the soles of her feet unevenly. She kept her steps small and careful, it would suck to stub her toe on top of everything else. Her arms wanted to fold, wrap themselves around her, but she suppressed the urge. She needed the balance, and she didn't want to approach Fonie with her posture already closed off. Her wingmate had read body language textbooks, she was sensitive to that sort of thing now.

It didn't take long to spot Fonie. Elra walked through the beam of one of the floodlights and out the other side; blinking, she made out a spectre standing by the fence. The sound of the weather grew louder the closer she got to the treeline, her footsteps feeling muted and woolly as she approached.

Close-cut, Fonie's hair shimmered with reflections from the harsh lighting. Even standing well outside the direct light, her back looked chalky, broken only by the plain military grey of her sports bra and gym briefs. The custom-fitted underwear were the only garments they'd found yet that didn't irritate Fonie's hypersensitivities after an hour or two. Well, those and her flight suit.

Fonie had one hand on the wire mesh of the fence, the other hanging down by her hip. Her palm looked swollen and reddened. Of course she'd tried to climb the damn thing. Elra looked down and yes, she was still barefoot. No sign of blood but that might just be the gloom.

Somehow, despite the roar of the wind, Fonie heard her standing there, her head half-turning to look back. "What is it?"

That was a promising start, maybe? Elra took a deep breath. "Come on, let's get back inside. You can't stay out here like that for long."

"It's fine."

"It's not fine! You'll get hypothermic."

"The night is warm. I can function for several more hours."

Elra rolled her eyes, then hoped Fonie couldn't see her clearly enough to make that out. "Come on, Fonie. This isn't about 'function'. We need to talk. Somewhere where it's warm and human."

"What's there to talk about?" It was almost the first time Elra had ever struggled to make out what Fonie was saying, but her wingmate spoke so sullenly that the words were almost lost.

"Forgiveness," Elra said, clearly and peacefully. "That's what people do when they upset each other, remember?"

"Don't patronise me!" Fonie spun, her face all harsh angles. In the night, her eyes were obsidian pits. "I know, ok? I shouldn't have done it, the others all think I'm a freak, and now we have to go back and you'll tell them it's because I was grown in a lab, I'm not a real person yet, we're working on it."

For a moment, Elra didn't answer, her mouth half-open. Despite the humidity, her lips were drying out. "That's not what I meant, Fonie. You're one of us, you belong here. You made a mistake, that's all, or a misjudgement maybe. That happens between people sometimes."

"Then why are you talking to me like this?" The hard edge on Fonie's voice creaked. "Like you're going to explain everything to me again, like I'm a child, like- how can you be so calm?"

That was easy. Elra spread her hands, palms up. "Because I love you. We all love-"

"Why aren't you upset? Why aren't you mad?" The force of the words brought Fonie a half-step closer, and Elra saw glistening moisture on her cheeks. "Hate me! Curse me! Abandon me! Don't coddle me like this!"

Taking a step forward herself, Elra grabbed Fonie's shoulders. Her wingmate's skin was already shockingly chill. She held tight until Fonie, reluctantly, met her eyes. "Fonie, I'll never hate you. And it's not because of how you were when we first met, I promise. I don't want to be the kind of person who hates, ok? Even if I didn't love you, I wouldn't be yelling at you right now."

"But-" Fonie began, and then swallowed, blinking hard.

Elra pulled her closer, held the taller woman to her, reaching up to put her hand on the back of Fonie's head. Whispering, she said, "I'm not going to throw you away just because you did something that made me uncomfortable. Because you wanted me in a way I can't give you. We'll talk about that, ok?"

"What if I… what if I do it again?" Elra's shirt pulled tight as Fonie gripped it at her back.
"That's why we talk. About what we like and what we don't, right? Then we can work out a way to both be happy."

"Now you are talking to me like a child again," Fonie said, but she said it through sobs.
Elra allowed herself a quiet chuckle. "Children are born kind, love. Sometimes it's better to be childish and kind than adult and clever and proud."