eatthepen | Chronic Swanicles 6 (Reply)

I'd forgotten just how many of these I'd written. This one was in response to the prompt 'Mech Pilot who has to enter the invoices for their own repairs.'

"Corporal Swan."

"Ma'am?"

"I have just endured a lengthy and rather unpleasant call from the quartermaster's office."

"Is there any other kind, ma'am?"

"Generally I find them very reasonable and efficient, Swan, even when the requests they deal with are unreasonable. However,"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"Hm."

"Ma'am."

"Swan, please spare me your usual bullshit."

"I don't know what you-"

"Swan, did you crash the Quartermaster's main database in a fit of pique because – and I only have their verbal report to go on for this part – they denied your request for an eight-metre-high bouquet of ferralumin roses with which to proposition Corporal du Tenti?"

"It was all accounted for, ma'am. From my personal allowance."

"Be that as it may, the Quartermastery is empowered to veto orders it would not be reasonable to deliver."

"My plan was very reasonable, ma'am, I included instructional diagrams with-"

"Yes, Swan, I'm aware. Major Fletcher seemed particularly infuriated at the level of detail you provided."

"I-"

"No, Swan. I will not hear any more of it. You are delegated to the charge of the Quartermastery until their system is restored to full functionality. I hear they intend to have you fill out and process all paperwork relating to the repairs in hardcopy. And Swan?"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"If you cause any further damage, know that I will personally intercede with the Admiral to expedite Fletcher's request for an upgrade to biocomp hardware for the express pleasure of sending him your guts to use as computational substrate."

"Wouldn't work, ma'am. Biocomputation requires a living substrate-"

"While they are still attached to you, Swan."