eatthepen | Chronic Swanicles 4

More of the Shenanigans of Corporal Swan, this time in response to the prompt 'Mech Pilot who’s fuckin outta here hosers.'

"Corporal Swan."

"Ma'am?"

"Need I remind you that until you officially report to Lieutenant Vava in sector four you are still under my command?"

"I- No, ma'am."

"No?"

"I think that it could not constitute 'reminding', ma'am. You would be telling me for the first time."

"Really, now."

"Yes, ma'am."

"And you were unaware of this fact from your doubtless diligent and careful study of the papers authorising your transfer to spec ops, which I remind you you signed before the Admiral himself?"

"Yes. Ma'am."

"Well, now you know. And I am sure that, given this new knowledge, you will rethink your decision to bring this... vehicle... into the crew quarters."

"Yes, ma'am."

"How did you even get it in here, Swan? It must weigh three hundred kilos!"

"Um, the grav engine did most of the work."

"Corporal Swan."

"Ma'am?"

"Have you brought a full-size gravbike, with a charged power cell, into CREW QUARTERS under my jurisdiction."

"The cell only has a trickle charge, ma'am."

"What were you planning to do with it?"

"Transport my effects, ma'am."

"I believe the phrase I heard you muttering to yourself was 'a sick wheelie'?"

"...yes ma'am."

"Swan, you would have wrecked yourself on the doorframe, and if you didn't do that you'd have had a rookie's chance in the messhall of making the turn into the corridor. Need I outline for you how much one of those bikes is worth, in multiples of your salary?"

"No, ma'am. I could have-"

"While I have learned to never underestimate your ingenuity, Swan, I do not foresee any scenario in which I could fudge the numbers enough to conceal you making a gravbike-sized hole in the bulkhead. Or for that matter a bulkhead-shaped dent in the gravbike."

"Ma'am."

"You'd better get over to Vava as fast as you can, before I can file one final report on you. Do not try to use the bike to get there faster."